Just when I thought everything has been smooth sailing in my work, especially when I have gotten use to waking up, going to work, coming home, sleep, kind of aimless life, a question from my small boss, J, had left such a great impact on me. I question if I am unable to hold my emotions well, but I realised that I have yet to learn to treat what others said as "wind". I guess the next skill to master in the university of working life is to treat unwanted and unwelcomed remarks as though they were just farting into the air and polluting the air. The problem of working is always politics. Since the day I saw my allocation of reports, I realised the tense situation of politics in my small little department of 14 people, including 2 bosses. I saw an unfair distribution of workload. This is fine for me because I saw this as gaining more experience in each and every report they ask me to do, whereas the rest of my colleagues were like in this department for 6 years and more, they would have gotten to try everything at a shot.

During lunch yesterday, my colleague say I became a superwoman of the department, this is true. I know how to do almost each officer's reports, so whenever who goes on leave, I will cover that person. How dumb and aimless and useless I felt! Nevertheless, I see it as gaining experience. It's perfectly fine with me. Work to me has been a breeze although sometimes I meet with nasty colleagues from other departments who just simply refused to give you what you want and give you attitude somemore so as to prevent you from calling them again asking for what you want. Sometimes I do meet with relatively difficult questions about my reports which I have no idea how to answer them, so I had to seek help from my colleagues. Thankfully, they were all very helpful. My work so far has minimal mistakes (com' on, who doesn't make any mistakes? I even spotted my boss's mistake and told her on the spot) and my reports has never been late for one day. It is always sent out promptly on the deadline. So everything was fine, I thought.

Yesterday morning, J said she wanted to talk to me abt work, so we walked into another room to talk. However, the room was being used by someone so we had to wait till the afternoon. I thank God this did not happen in the morning. After the talk, I sank right away into depression, frustration and irritation. In the afternoon after lunch, J called me in again. This time round there was no escape. A good start she made by asking me how's my transit from uni life to working life. The following just caused me to change my mood as though the weather changes:

J: K (my big boss) realised that you have been going home on the dot at 630pm with the girls (support staff) everyday. She would like to find out why as the other officers are staying till quite late and you are not staying. Is it because you have nothing to do or is there any other reasons like your Jap class?

I: Sometimes it's due to Jap class, the other times is because I take abt 1.5hrs to get home, so when I am home it's already 8pm, after dinner and taking a bath, it's 9pm and I only have 1 - 2 hours with my family, which I treasure a lot. (In my mind, I was like HR did not say I have to work late because everyone works late!)

J: Oh we thought you had nothing much to do and since the officers had quite a lot of backlogs as they are very busy, maybe you can help to clear them. (In my mind, why should I? It's their work. They are just good at pretending and dragging the day. The number of reports they hold are nowhere near mine. I hold about 15 reports ok? Just admit I am efficient and the rest of your workers are just showing you that they are hardworking.)

I: OK!

From then on, whatever was conversed I don't remember as my head had flames being seen. And my reply to whatever she said later on was OK. And when she asked if I had any questions, I felt so much like asking, why must I work late? But I said NO right into her face. *Pissed*

My mentality here is that it does not mean that the others work late, I have to work late. Com' on la, I realised how slow the others are, they practically stare into the screen as though they are thinking about something, but in actual fact, they are just slacking. Like what J said earlier, you have to work hard but also work smart, I so much wanted to tell her I work smart, so I can go home at 630. There are a few days I stayed till almost 8pm last month, why did they not mention. FUCK! People always remember the "bad" things so to speak, but they forgot when you were good.

Wild thoughts were in my mind, I realised how I can no longer stay in this company whereby they are only paying me mediocre amount and they expect me to work late and then they are no claims for meals and transport, because even if you work late, in order to claim, you need your boss's signature, but she won't sign. So why should we help the company to save money? We have our entitlement. This is crap! Female bosses! Anyway J mentioned that K wanted to know, but I bet both of them are in it together. I msged a friend to ask her to recommend me into the company she's working at. She got a shock! Haha. But I am serious, I don't see why I should work so hard for people like J and K. K, especially, whenever you enter her room, she's on the SGX website monitoring her shares or reading story book or watching VCDs. Why should I work so hard for such a boss who only knows how to delegate duties to us with her enjoying her maybe 5 digit pay watching VCDs in office. Naturally, they without a family (not married) and only watching VCDs in office, can stay till 9pm. Let me watch VCDs in office, I can stay till the next day.

But I just wanna say I find them unreasonable which is why makes me so pissed off. It is not that people complain to you that I have lots of errors in my report. It is also not that my reports were never handed in on time. If I manage to finish my work nicely, and I have no outstanding tasks, why should I stay later than 630pm?! Find me a job someone!

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